Will Work For Oatmeal

Just spoke to a dear friend of mine that I have known for years today. After I told her about my day (losing my job) she said she thought God was just testing me so I could see what I am capable of. When I heard her say this I was sure she was wrong, which really surprised me. Now me thinking someone was wrong and that I was right did not surprise me one bit. I am an egomaniac and often think I am right and the rest of the world is wrong. What surprised me about it was the topic I found myself feeling so sure about. Wasn’t it I just a few months ago who refused to pray? Wasn’t it I who held a theological debate almost daily in my head and decided that those who had religion were just lost saps that needed something to hold on to because they could not handle the truth about what life really was? But here I find myself today on the phone, not only sure that there is in fact a God and disagreeing with what I think the purpose of today was, BUT I did not tell her that I thought she was wrong. I just said “You might be right.”

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

It wasn’t until I was off the phone that the full implications of this phone call began to sink in. I have a God today and today that God is NOT my ego.

But I can write here what I think me losing my job was all about.

Me losing my job was just one thing that happened today. I also ate free oatmeal, had a very delicious chai tea from Starbucks, took a nap, got lots of hugs, and made my Mom smile and my cat purr. I prayed and meditated, went to a meeting and talked about a fear I was experiencing, called my sponsor and then I let that fear go.

Today was not a test from God. God knows what I am capable of more than I ever could. Today was neither good nor bad, it just was. What makes a day good or bad is my perception, not the day’s events. My perception is all I have control over. Today, through the grace of a power bigger than myself, my perception was different.

I am grateful for that.

This morning at my meeting I heard about someone just like me who did not have that gift today. I heard about an addict that died last night, all alone face down in his own vomit.

Perception is the only thing we can control today. If I don’t allow myself the time and space to heal my perception, I will die just like that nameless man I heard about in my meeting today.

But today I did something different and tonight I am grateful.